PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
