I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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