Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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