first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
