What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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