i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
