Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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