Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
