I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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