nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
