Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
