Ambien. No doubt about it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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