High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I stole a fireplace last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
