If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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