i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my sisters under your porch take her home
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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