$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
