My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my being single is dangerous.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
