just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
