mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he fucked my hip out of place.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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