One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
