feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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