She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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