We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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