There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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