To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
