and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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