Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
