wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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