Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my shit smells like andre
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
