Im at strip club and am horny
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize