So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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