dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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