Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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