Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
