i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
