I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
