I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
