operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
