Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
