Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
