you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
