i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
