I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
