Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
