she looked like the before picture.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
