OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
