Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
