I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize