Pappa wants mamma naked
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
