Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you still have your period?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
