hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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