She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize