ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize