who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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