if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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