watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
