and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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