Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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