you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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