please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
