There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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