Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
