I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
