so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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