Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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