Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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