I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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